I started a weight-loss journey at the end of August beginning of September. I did great that first week and half and then I stopped. Argh. I know I needed to do it, but I work better with goals. Not goals in I want to lose this amount of weight, or when I make it to this number I will do this for myself. That doesn’t work for me. I wrote entire blog ready to publish it and I couldn’t. It was very boring, I didn’t talk about anything because I didn’t do anything. So Boring.
And Then! One night I was laying in bed wondering what I want, where I see myself, wondering why, when I dream I am way smaller than I am right now. I started to make up what I wanted to do for a weight-loss program, and then it hit me. I’m just going to eat what I want, give up some foods, have special lunches Monday through Friday. On weekends I will spoil myself with an “unhealthy” snack. With being in recovery with an eating disorder, if I tell myself I can’t have cookies, I’ll sneak a cookie. I know I will, I know I will do it and act like it didn’t happen. I did that for years. I decided to give myself a deadline per say. I know that it didn’t take a month or a year or a couple years to get fat, but I also know that if I work hard enough on myself I will eventually be able to get it off in 2 years. I decided that night, more like 1 am that I would start a journey of 470 days.
In 470 days it would be the start of 2022. I have goals of course, not silly goals like I talked about in the first paragraph. By the start of 2022, I’d like to be close to the number of 199 pounds. I’d like to be gaining muscle in my arms and legs. I’d like to be wearing smaller clothes. I’d like to be able to be what I see in my dreams. I of course want to be healthy. I want to be able to wear dresses, I’d love to love myself when I look the mirror. Currently, I don’t like what I see. I know that I will get there and I will grow to love what I look like. I love myself as person, but I don’t love my body. I started this 12 days ago. On September 18th I made a post on my personal Instagram page, and soon I will be sharing on my Instagram page for my blog. Below is what I said:
“ I have 470 days to lose 126 lbs of bullshit fat on my body. Yeah, I know that’s alot. I’ve never told a soul the amount I want to lose. I usually say 50 or 70 because it’s a smaller number but also because it’s embarrassing. I’m fat and I know this, I know people see it and tell me that I’m still pretty. Well actually I’d like to be prettier* at 199 lbs instead. So I’m gonna do that.
I’m gonna change myself. I need to for me, future self, future mother, future life. I keep finding reasons why I can’t or won’t or don’t want to . I have to STOP coming up with excuses. Seriously. I feel like absolute shit when I eat breads and pasta. My body seems to hate burgers and bacon. I don’t really enjoy condiments anymore. Eggs – yucky right now. Protein bars aren’t helpful, just keeps me from eating something better. Dairy doesn’t like me. If anyone who really know me, knows I love cheese. I’d buy stock in cheese… but it doesn’t always agree with me. Chicken is the only meat that has no issue with me. I just ordered turkey bacon. Almond milk only taste good with chocolate mixed but I am not a huge milk drinker. I like cereal once in a blueish moon. Recently, I just want to eat salads with chicken. Salads with avocado and dressing. Healthier dressings. If you have been in my life for a while you’d know that I start losing weight. I lose weight, self sabotage, fail, give up, and months later I start over. Well I am back, but this time I can’t sabotage. I am not going on a diet or doing any meal plants. I’m going to eat chicken, veggies, and rice. I’m going to give up fast food, muffins, cookies, donuts, sweets, ice creams, calzones, pizza, sandwiches, ice cream, added sugar (unless it’s honey). Most dreams I have at night time I have are me thinner than I am currently. I want to be what I dream of. I need to do better. I am better than what I settle for in the long run. I got this. 470 days. 126 lbs to go.”
Yeah, so I wrote that and the same morning I started:
Day 1 of 470:- on September 18th: I weighed in at 325 lbs. I went for a 2.29 mil walk, it took me about 45 minutes to complete. Where I walk is full of hills. Later in the day, I went for a second walk of 1.01 miles. Giving me 3.3 miles, and 68 mins of activity of sweating. I changed some things about what I said because I have to make sure that I won’t self sabotage myself when things start to get good, like treats. For dinner that night I had a half of rack of barbecue ribs and sweet potatoes with a little white onion.
The next day I started Day 2 of 470. I met with my mom that morning, and before she got there I walked the huge parking lots over and over again. It was 38 degrees out, but I did it. I did 1.27 miles in 25 mins, there were no hills.
Day 3 of 470 I tried going for a walk at the orchard that I walk the hills but it was packed with people because it’s apple season. I went home and I did some stretches on the floor. I’ve learned that stretches have helped me get up the hills. I eventually went back to the orchard and I walked 1.65 miles in 37 minutes.
On day 4, I woke up to a message from someone I’ve known for years and they unfollowed me because they didn’t want to see 470 daily posts of me because it’s boring and I shouldn’t be doing it for the likes and comments. I had to explain this in a post for the other people who follow me. “ First My IG acct is private, nobody but my followers can see me. Second. I don’t post for other people. I post for me and my memories. I don’t post for likes or comments. If someone comments, I’ll engage in some way, it’s polite. Third. Losing weigh is hard, and boring, and mentally challenging. I’ll have good posts and bad post along the day. It won’t be easy, I’ve known that for years. Fourth. I am honest on my page about struggles. Because it’s my* page. Just scroll if you aren’t interested in seeing my page. I won’t know if you pause me. Fifth. You’re still here? Haha. Sixth. One day I could help someone else. But for now, the next 466 days posts are about my weight-loss… It is what it is. So yeah, I lost a follower/friend. That’s fine. But this is also a post reminder that it will be okay. (And I can see this post when I’m thinner.)”
It felt good to write this out. I needed to, because my posts, and blogs are for me, but they are also for someone who needs it too.
That same day Day: 4 of 470: I went for a walk on the main road near my house. I have learned to not do that again. It was scary walking by fast cars driving 50 mph. I did it anyways. I walked down a winding hill and walked back up it. It was easier walking down of course, but I did struggle a little bit walking back up the hill. I walked 1.71 miles in 36 mins. Once I was done I was so tired.
Day 5 of 470: I went for a quick walk. I was going to do a rest day because I felt really sore but I did it anyways. I did .76 mile in 17 mins. It was enough to get me to work up a sweat.
I decided to a new factor of these days. I would eat salad for lunch Monday- Friday. Every lunch time, I would eat a salad with protein, cheese, a veggie on top, and if I want I can add some croutons and a little bit of dressing, but no so much it’s tooooo much dressing.
Day 6 of 470: I was really feeling a lot of frustration with some things and I needed to walk it off. I kept walking because I wasn’t ready to go home yet. I wasn’t ready to be done. I just kept walking. I walked 3.21 miles in 1 hour and 7 minutes. Along the way, I met up with the Orchards farm dog and he and I walked together for a little bit. I started listening to an audible original about Anxiety with Mel Robbins. It helped me.
Day 7 of 470: I weigh in. I weighed in at 318. I had lost 7 lbs in 7 days. I hiked a mountain this day. It’s .6 miles up, and .6 miles down. I got a little lost on how to get back down the mountain, their trails aren’t marked as good as I think they should be. Total miles on the mountain was 1.69 miles, it took me 53 mins to complete this. I was breathing hard but I wasn’t dying to breathe. After the hike, I went for another walk as my “slow” walk. Well, I don’t walk slow. It’s uncomfortable to walk slow. Uncomfortable as in, my hips hurt. I walked 1.76 miles in 26 minutes. In total I walked 3.45 miles. I felt so good after the walks were done.
Day 8 of 470: I tried to have a full on “Rest day” but it didn’t work. I walked 1.2 miles in 27 mins. I started to make a new goal. Between Sunday and Saturday my watch will close a heart for activity, calories burned and moving hourly. I decided that my goals for each week is close all 7 hearts. I’ve been having trouble sleeping even though I am getting in a lot of activities.
Day 9 of 470: I wanted to rest my limbs, so I did three 15 minute YouTube videos for stretching different parts of my body and muscles. I had one more heart to close this week!
Day 10 of 470: YAY! I completed my first week of hearts! I was so proud of myself. On this day, I went for a 2 mile walk with my family. After all this, I did the math of the following: Sunday – Saturday: 18.9 Miles, 451 Minutes, 6885 +/- calories burned, 6 YouTube videos, Ate a salad for lunch everyday. I ate two meals and 2 snacks everyday.
Day 11 of 470: My family came to visit and we went for a morning hike at the mountain and a walk/run at the orchard while others picked blueberries. I hiked 1.48 in 47 minutes. 2.12 miles at the orchard, giving a total of 3.6 miles!
Today as I am writing this all is Day 12 of 470. After I finished lunch and after I publish this I will go for a hike. It was supposed to rain today but it’s now not in the forecast. So I’m going to walk at the Orchard and will do my best at hitting 3 miles today! (Picture at the Top of the blog is the top of the mountain.)
I am more excited about this new goal of that 470 day mark than thinking of what I will look like, or what my fears are and how will I get past them. I’m just going to keep going until I get there. I got this! I won’t be updating this until I have another 12 days of